it takes all i am to believe in the mercy that covers me

this song has been one of my favorite songs for as long as i can remember, so i just wanted to share it.
it is basically a perfect depiction of my daily spiritual struggles, which i am so thankful for, despite the difficulty, because they are always bringing me back to Him.
also: happy easter. He is risen :)

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart


I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remain"
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remains"
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

worlds apart: jars of clay


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Listening to: Jars of Clay - Worlds Apart
via FoxyTunes

if i had one wish

if i had only one wish in the world that i could use to my own personal benefit, i would want to be understood.
i like to be heard, and i love to be listened to, but it seems that what i really need is to be understood. i feel like i talk and talk and talk, and people listen to what i am saying, but i don't think they understand the me in what i am saying.
i want to be able to express a feeling, emotion, need, or want, and have the person i am talking to experience exactly what that it feels like to be me, what it feels like to have that emotion, or to desperately want or need something. i want to be able to share something with someone and not have to try to explain myself in words that could never do justice to the feelings i am experiencing. i want them to just know. i want them to feel it in their core, with the same intensity that i am feeling it in my being.
i guess what i am saying is that i don't want to be understood only in a mental sense, but instead i want to be understood vicariously.
part of me feels silly writing this because i know it will mostly fall on minds, minds who are "listening" and nodding in agreement with what they are reading because somewhere in their brains they have some knowledge of how i am feeling. but part of me hopes, sincerely hopes, that this will be understood by someone, someone who wants to be understood just as badly as i do, someone who is experiencing what they are reading. if that is you, thank you. this was for you.

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Listening to: John Mayer - Covered in Rain
via FoxyTunes

rightfully so, rightfully so...

this is my bff, john mayer. in case you were unaware, he is completely amazing. also: look at this
also: notice that my other bff, john krasinski is also there. whoot for bffs.